You guys are awesome

No, really. It's amazing how blogging can bring people together. I've made a sister and a few good friends who are just amazing. You guys are always so encouraging. Why is it that, the people I meet online always live so far away from me??? Sigh. Anyway, thank you all for being the best blog friends I could have <3

Sorry I couldn't resist lol. So this week was a pretty good week overall. I've clocked in some major overtime, found out I'm preggers, told my family I'm preggers, and had some Wing Stop. I wish I was doing something fun and spontaneous this weekend but sadly I'm working. Also fuck work. I'm so sick of helping people fix their internet (Sorry people who need help fixing their internet). Today once I'm off, I'm gonna try to get some serious cleaning done. Thanks to having people over here almost every day, my house smells like a gym locker. And no, I'm not ashamed to tell you guys that. As much as I would love to take pictures of my "pretty, clean, and organized" house, I just can't. I suck at cleaning. Maybe once little peanut gets here....

Hey, here are some random pictures!!!

Daddy Bear (Danny) made us breakfast <3

Meet MooMoo everyone! He is Danny's little brother, we have taken him in.

Family Pic, if you look in the back, you can see two little heads. One is MooMoo's the other is Jermaiah(The other lil bro)

Hope you guys have an awesome Saturday!!

That one day I meditated....

Some say that meditation is the key to true happiness. I never understood how sitting down and clearing your mind would actually help anything, I always wanted to try it though. Try it the right way. So ironically enough, my best friend Brandy calls and is all like "Hey! Do you want to go to a temple with me and Kiera?" I'm just like yea whatever, sounds cool to me. We always have some kind of weird adventures and luckily, here in Houston you can find a lot of weird stuff to do lol. We drove around and went to about 3 Buddhist temples. And oh my gosh guys, they were so beautiful....and hot....but mostly beautiful. We lit incenses and made wishes, learned about the different gods, and finally took a meditation class. What so interesting to me was the goal of your meditation. Our teacher (who was a real Monk by the way) taught us that in order for you session to be successful, you have to be precise with what you meditating about otherwise, you could find yourself more frustrated. He compared to discomfort. "When you are uncomfortable, you have two choices. You can deal with it, or you can change it. That is the way our problems work. So your goal is to really think and decide, is this something I can deal with? Or does it really upset me?" He also told us that sometimes, we expect too much which causes stress, so sometimes we have to lower our expectations in order to be happy. I found this to be so interesting because I had never heard any one say "Hey, you expect too much, cut that shit out" I was always taught to aim high and get what I deserve, but life doesn't revolve around my expectations.

Once we actually started meditating, I found it hard to actually think about something worth stressing over. I mean sure, I'm in debt, my job sucks, and I'm not happy with my house...but every time I came up with something...my mind would say, oh well, not important. I have this fucked up theory that money and stuff, it's nice...but I wasn't born with. I can't take it with me once I die...so oh well. And this actually made me realize, my life isn't bad...in fact, I have a happy life. I have a guy who loves me, some people will never get that. I have both my parents, some people NEVER had that. All these things I'm blessed to have....why am I complaining? lol needless to say, I think I fail at meditation in a traditional sense but it did make me extremely happy...so WIN!


Sorry to hit you guys with a long post. I really enjoyed my path to enlightenment but here a few pictures if my day to make it worth your while hopefully lol.

We were not supposed to take pictures but this temple was so beautiful I had to sneak at least one photo.

Freebirds date!

Clowning around...all my friends are short so of course I get thrown in the back lol

Untill next time!!

Hello blog family! Did you miss me...and here's some confessions!!

 

 

So, first off, I'm pregnant, like for real this time lol. I would have taken a picture of the pee stick....but ewwww...pee.

 

I confess, I don't feel like putting pictures or gifs on this post so I'm sorry. Can't you all just be happy that I'm still alive over here?? Sheesh!

 

I confess, it's nice to have a 15 year old around the house. I haven't washed my own dishes in like...2 months!! We "adopted" Danny's little brother Danny...aka MooMoo. He is a joy to have...and not just because I get to slave him around lol

I confess and apologize...I read a lot of you all's blogs...but I never comment. I'm so sorry. I'll try to do better, so if you get tons of notifications on blogs you wrote months ago...I'm sorry, hope that doesn't bother you.

 

I confess, I just noticed the man in the confessions button is different...who the hell is this man??? Ugh I live under a rock.

 

I confess, I want to buy a camera and start a youtube channel. I think I could help some people around my age with relationship and family advice...as well as life a career advice. I'm not a teen mom, but I'm young and maybe some one out there needs a friend or some one to relate too. What do you guys think??

 

I confess, I have never seen Danny so happy in the whole 5 years we've been together. He will be an awesome father!

 

SO to all my mom's out there, feel free to send me crap loads of advice. I swear I won't be like one of those people who wont appreciate it. Also, hopefully it's not too weird to ask, but if any of you guys are still holding on to your maternity clothes but want to get rid of them, please email me and I'll pay for the shipping cost for you to send them to me. I'm not big enough for maternity pants but I'm too big to fit into my normal clothes. I'm also freakishly tall (5'9) so I may not be able to fit a lot of pants without them showing my ankles (of course...I don't really care lol)

Letter to my baby

Hey there little one. It's so nice to know you're in there. I hope I'm doing everything possible to keep you comfy. For these next 8 months I just want you to focus on growing and being healthy, okay? Your dad and I are so excited, we can't wait for you to get here. Do me a favor though, stop with the gas okay? It's not cool, lol. So we were going to wait before we told any one about you but you're, already very apparent awesomeness forced us to spill the beans and now, your whole family is very excited. People keep feeding mommy all this food, so thanks for that. If you are anything like me, you won't want to miss a meal. Also thanks for not hitting me with morning sickness, maybe since you are in there, you know how much mommy hates to feel nauseous. We have you an appointment set up next week, maybe by that time your little heart will be beating. I just want you to know that I already love you so much, and knowing that you're right here with me...well, it just makes the world not so lonely any more. I won't ramble on and on, so I'll end my little letter here.

P.S. No weird cravings please <3

Getting...Serious?

Before we get serious, here's a picture of Danny aka Pre Hubs, trying out my diy bed. He took it to the extreme and turned my whole car into his bed. Poor guy lol. Anyway! I've been doing some thinking, and honestly that's never too good when it come's to me. However, this was actually was not that bad. I've been talking to Duckie, who is frikken amazing by the way, and she gave me some pretty good advise. What was it? Well that's a secret, just know....life changing lol.
I've been pretty grumpy here lately which is why I have not been consistent with my post. My blog is my documentation on everything life, but I don't want you guys to think I'm a complete negative Nancy!! I will admit, this phase in my life is excruciatingly a tad bit stressful, but no reason to bum you guys out. Amirite?? So, I got some goals, some future plans for my house, my yard, and my blog. Let's just go ahead and say I am reevaluating my life completely. And you guys, it's scary. I feel like I'm forcing myself to...grow up way too fast. I'm 21, in my own place. I already have credit card debt, went through serious unemployment, and cried for 3 nights in a row...not over relationship issues or school troubles, but over bills! I digress. This is the path I am supposed to take and I'm pretty sure, bitching and complaining giving up staying in the same position is not how you move forward.

The problem I run across is getting serious. I don't want to. Getting serious is so...serious. I like being able to make mistakes and take them lightly. I like being able to laugh at offensive joke. I like not having to commit to my blog if I don't want to. I like not having to get up and get things done! BUT that's not how life works. SO I'm going to figure out how I, a 21 year old rebellious young woman, can, work, clean, cook, laugh, fix stuff, blog, and be semi serious about marking things off my extremely long 2014 bucket list. Excuse me while I just....

My first DIY

What does this picture say about me? That I'm young and active? Or, I'm lazy and unmotivated? lol probably the unmotivated one. BUT I have a good reason. See, this work training is boring, it's at 7 in the freaking morning and if you guys don't know, I am not a morning person. That probably has a lot to do with the reason why I also don't post everyday. One day guys, I'll wake up with the birds and sing songs, and eat breakfast and be happy and shit...one day.

Lets get on to my DIY. It's called a temporary bed. All you need is one computer chair and two dining chairs. First step, line your three chairs up computer chair first, followed by the two dining room chairs. Second step, sit in the second chair and lay your upper body in the computer chair and stretch your legs out in the other dining room chair. Look at above picture for reference. Once you have gotten yourself comfy, proceed to doze off and not pay attention to work. #FuckItAll

You know whats so great about this bed? If you have wheels on your computer chair, you can use your abs to rock your upper body back and forward SO not only did I provide you an awesome way to get fired relaxation bed, I also provided you a work out machine to get those abs right for the summer time!

Until next time!

Pet Loss and a pretty long post

It should be no surprise, I am a huge animal lover. I feed homeless animals when I can, cry when I see they are abused, cry when they have happy endings, and cry when my own get sick. Just a few weeks ago, I was bursting with happiness because I was blessed with two little surprises. A pup for my anniversary and a baby kitten I found in my shed. This week before this one was normal. Tuesday, I got up and started my first day of training. I was excited. I let China out to go potty and let her back in to come hang out with mom during work. That day was normal. She played, she ate. She also threw up. Dogs do that. They puke, nothing new. She only did it once, I wasn't too worried. She continued to act normal. Wednesday, she was fine. No throwing up, playing like normal. She was fine... Thursday, I woke up to a huge mess outside her cage. It looked like blood, I panicked. I called and got her a vet appointment immediately. I was worried she had parvo. Almost over night, my baby stopped playing, wouldn't move, wouldn't eat or drink. I had to work so the best I could do for her is keep talking to her, letting her know she would be okay. More vomit, with added runny stool...with blood. I was so afraid. As soon I was off, I gathered her up and rushed her to the vet. They ran their test and told me "No parvo, JUST hookworms." (hookworms suck the blood out of it's victim's body through the lower intestines) Initially, all I felt was relief. Ok, we get some dewormer and get some fluids in her, she will be fine. I caught this early. Then I got pissed, the lady I got her from told me she had been wormed and had her first shots. All I needed to do was follow up on the 28. No problem, I don't care any more ad long as she will be ok. That vet visit cost me 300 dollars. Luckily I have care credit just for emergencies. Anyway, so we bring China home, give her medicine, love her, talk to her, and let her rest. Danny goes out to hang out with his dad, cool no problem. I stay up a little longer, give her the second round of medicine, more fluids, more love. You can see it in her eyes, she is not doing well. I'm begging her, "Just make it through the night baby, you will be ok. Stay with mommy." She just looks at me with those big brown puppy eyes. I stay with her, just a little longer. "Okay, mommy is gonna go shower and get ready for bed, I'll come check on you again. I love you." I go shower. Once I'm out, one last time I go check on her, she is sleep...still alive, just sleep. No vomit, so the medicine is still in her. To me that's a good sign. I pet her little head and tell her "good night. I'll see you in the morning"

4:00am Danny comes home, I'm sleep. He is slightly intoxicated. He comes in the room, I'm a light sleeper so I wake up. His face....I just knew. I throw pants on and run in the living room where I have a little area gated off for her. She is gone. All the life she had just days before isn't there any more. I'm not sure when she passed, but I wasn't there. She had to face death all alone, and I hate myself for it. She was MY baby. She was MY responsibility. How could I listen to some lady who I didn't even know and put MY child's life on the line. She wasn't even 6 months old. She had so much more life to live.

It's hard...she passed on the 16th...alone. I tell myself, "she knew you loved her" but what does that matter? She had to suffer a lonely death and I can never change that. I can't give her the comfort of dying in my arms. She never got to feel my tears, I didn't get to beg her long enough. Maybe, if I would have been there, she would fought harder.
I know a lot of people won't understand why I feel the way I feel and that's okay. Part of my blogging journey is to learn how to do things for myself...and this post is for me. Everyday I wake up with a pain in my heart. She left this void...this big empty void. I have to walk around my house and act like I'm happy when I'm not. I miss her. The few weeks she was with me...they were happy and carefree and some what irritating (she tore my bag of leaves and destroyed my lemon grass lol). And any dog owner knows that having a dog, is having a best friend from day one...and she was, she was my best friend.

Dear China, please don't be upset with me, know that I loved you and I tried to save you. I wish I could have tried harder, I wish I would have stayed up with you instead of going to sleep for work. I know, up there in doggy heaven, you are watching over Lucky Cat and willing him to grow up big and healthy.
I will always remember you and love you...my little Mighty Mutt. </3